i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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