she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
