Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
