watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
