i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
