My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
