I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
