good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
