Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
