Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
