Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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