We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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