I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
