drunk tastebuds have low standards.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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