omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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