Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
