yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
