Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
