I want to have your abortion
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
