If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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