Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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