Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
