your parents love me but you hate me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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