I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize