..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
