I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize