True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
