I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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