He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
