ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
