Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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