Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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