11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
