you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had sex on a roof
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize