the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
