I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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