had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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