I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
