awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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