One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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