he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
