Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
