I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
