Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
