Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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