Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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