This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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