Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
