I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
