Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
