You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
