p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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