I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
