There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
