When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
