I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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