masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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